I've been quite busy for about a month but to be frank I didn't want to give up this little place of mine on the web. Since I'm in a mood for rambling, so be it. That's the price of loneliness, to be exact to relieve these unleashed thoughts somewhere. With the pandemic, the overall societal unrest, isolation... I can't bear with myself sometimes but am I privileged to say that I feel sad? Fuck it, maybe I am. I've even made the deal with the devil - I made my third Twitter account to date but I stand by what I said previously, that Twitter is a hellhole and nowhere near a place I'd be doing anything more than simply shitposting. I've observed that it's not that hard to gain following since old as hills rule still stands (follow4follow). It's all about making the right networking steps at the right time.
As I said I'm feeling down but it's nothing that I can't deal with myself. Yes, it may be overbearing but it's not depression (I think) and I don't want any compassion from anybody about it because it's not my goal. I just want to tell how I feel for myself not for others. I feel overstimulated and overwhelmed by everything: the studies, the people, the societal norms. I don't feel good enough but at the same time I don't want to change and run away from established comfort zone. Running from everything is not an option in my eyes. One can either fight the system and most possibly fail or conform with everything, grit one's teeth and keep going, accepting the cost of it all. You guessed it, I don't pick up a fight, I'm not a fighter - I like to think of myself as a small ant, working as a part of system, insignificant but creating something as a part but inevitably will die forgotten.
To anyone reading this, if you're choosing loneliness voluntarily, remember that it's a blessing and a curse. But what's not a blessing and a curse in this world?
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